blazegurl's Blog

day by day hour by hour i feel lonelier than ever the hurt and sadness grows deeper ,rooting itself into my soul ,fills me up more that i can take, yet i feel empty somehow ha ya go figure ... i must be invisible or unbearable to be around . i let him make me feel like this tho he squeezes every ounce of of happiness out of me and i enable it ...why?  i have been searching for me ,the real true me i think i lost her around six years ago i must not of held on tight enough and i slipped between the cracks i guess lol
i may of been slightly promiscuous or a crazy lil  party girl i may have been to over weight  or not respected myself 100 % but at least i was somewhat happy and din't feel like this . I had people that surrounded me and fun times to reminisce on then he scooped me up and put me in a box and locked it with his Key.
he walks into the house my body starts to tense i look around in panic fearing Ive done something wrong again .... and no he doesn't beat me leave me physically bruised  tho i almost sometime times wish he did just to have some of his attention...ok  i know that's stupid to say and i don't really mean it just something that i feel at times i wanna be loved is all ... and i hate to say it i don't think by him tho now i think is to damn late hes caused so much hurt for us to be saved and I'm not happy being the last on his list ... why am i here he makes me wanna die everytime he talks to me but without him i have nothing and i think thats his f***ed up  trap on me ...
i wish i could rewind my life i swear id do it better starting with the time i first seen ''id walk the other way......

i find my self feeling less depressed and less lonely since i have stumbled across this wonderful place. the experience project was what i needed who ever it was who started this is amazing!!! its a place i feel i can go be myself lose the fear of being judged or not good enough. it lets me know there are people out there that believe in the same things or do the same thing as me. its nice to feel for once reall  im not weird  at all i am just me :) there is always someone lifting my spirits and offering a shoulder to cry on if needed any thing goes here no thoughts to out there to talk about... i really am getting so much from this and i know i will get so much more thank u to everyone out there for making this what it is !!!!!